How to Recover from an “Anti-Mentor”

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Mentorship is supposed to be a guiding light—someone with experience, wisdom, and generosity who helps you grow. But what happens when a so-called mentor dims that light or snuffs it out?

I joined my local Toastmasters not just to become a stronger speaker but to heal from a career wound left by a nasty boss—what I’ve come to call an “anti-mentor.” Through my coaching business and experience, I’ve seen how poor mentorship can shake confidence, stall careers, and leave people questioning their worth.

Let’s talk about what to do when the mentor—or manager—you were supposed to learn from becomes a roadblock instead of a resource.

Why "Anti-Mentors" Leave a Lasting Impact

A strong mentor should challenge and support you in equal measure. Toastmasters defines great mentors as offering personal experiences, providing an informed perspective, and supporting you unconditionally. But not everyone follows that script.

Some people turn the title of mentor or manager into a power play. They criticize without context. They assign impossible tasks at the last minute. They use intimidation instead of inspiration. When this happens, the fallout can be intense—and personal. People begin to doubt themselves, hide their talents, or stop participating altogether.

These people aren’t just about leadership gone wrong. They embody the emotional imprint of being guided by someone who didn’t have your growth in mind. And that damage can linger unless you learn how to reset your direction.

Three Tactics to Reclaim Your Path

If you’ve had a difficult mentor—or are trying to support someone who has—these three steps can help you move forward with strength and clarity.

1. Define Your Own Vision

When someone else’s opinion overshadows your potential, the first step is to take back the narrative. I ask clients to ground themselves in their own values by identifying:

• What matters most to me?

• What do I want people to say about me when I’m not in the room?

• What would make me proud—or full of regret—at 80?

Answering these helps clarify who you are and where you want to go—regardless of anyone else’s opinion.

2. Separate the Feedback from the Person

Even poor mentors sometimes leave behind valuable data. If you can isolate the feedback from the emotion, you may find insight you can use by asking:

• Is any part of this feedback true?

• What does this reveal about how others are viewing me?

• Can I use this information to grow—without taking it personally?

Useful lessons don’t always come wrapped in kindness. Sometimes, they are challenging and require work. Your power lies in deciding what to take from it.

3. Seek Out Better Voices

One person’s opinion should never define your entire career. If someone doesn’t believe in you, find people who do:

• Look for a mentor who actually cares about your success.

• Build a personal board of directors who support your growth.

• Join groups that align with your values and goals.

That’s exactly what Toastmasters became for me—a community where mentorship is thoughtful, feedback is constructive, and growth is a shared goal.

Redefine Mentorship, Reclaim Your Voice

The wrong mentor can rattle you. But the right mindset has the power to restore. If you’ve ever been dismissed, underestimated, or intentionally mistreated by someone in a position of influence, know this: you are not alone, and that experience doesn’t define you.

Define your vision. Evaluate the message, not just the messenger. And find a new circle of support that reminds you of your strength and value.

Real mentorship isn’t about control. It’s about clarity, trust, and belief in your potential. No matter where you are—at a Toastmasters meeting or navigating your next career move—you have the power to be the mentor you always needed for yourself or someone else.

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As a certified career transitions coach and digital strategist, Hillary Hufford-Tucker helps professionals navigate reinvention, whether shifting industries, winning a promotion, launching a side gig, or building influence. She supports clients in every career phase through personal branding, resume writing, LinkedIn strategy, and her Relevated Brands’ Career Guides. ➡️ Start your brand journey at www.berelevated.com.