When Resistance Hurts More Than Change: A New Mindset for Career Transitions

As first shared in a Toastmasters speech by Hillary Tucker

Photo credit: istockphoto.com

What if resisting change is more painful than the change itself?

That question kicked off a recent Toastmasters talk I gave on career transition. While my focus was on professional pivots, the insights apply to all kinds of changes—those moments when life doesn't go as planned, and we’re left wondering what comes next.

To better understand why we resist change and how we can move through it, we need to reframe or rethink the very idea of transition.

1. Change Isn’t an Interruption—It Is Life

In “Life Is in the Transitions,” author Bruce Feiler offers a powerful concept called “Life Quakes.” These are not minor disruptions but major changes like layoffs, divorce, or illness that shake our foundations and force us to reevaluate who we are and where we’re going.

Feiler’s research found that most adults go through three to five of these Life Quakes — each lasting, on average, five years. Obviously, that’s not a detour. That’s a whole new itinerary.

According to Feiler, even more minor disruptions — like a new boss or a small injury — appear every 12 to 18 months. So why do we treat these moments as distractions from “real life” instead of part of our life’s journey?

The truth is, resisting these changes doesn’t stop them. It just increases the discomfort and delays our ability to adapt.

2. Why We Resist: The Triple Threats of Transition

By coaching clients since 2019, I’ve learned that some of the resistance to change comes from fear, specifically, what life strategist Chip Conley of the TQ Method calls the Triple Threats of transition:

•  Self-Identity – Who will I be if I make this change?

•  Relationships – What will my friends and family think of this transition?

•  Community – How will I be perceived in my professional circles (or community)?

These fears are perfectly normal. After all, we’re primally wired to be concerned about our relationships. In ancient times, exile from the tribe could mean death. Today, it just means we fear losing status, understanding, or connection.

But when we let these fears lead, we can stall progress. We may stay stuck for years, not because we don’t want change, but because we can’t yet see who we’ll be on the other side of the transition.

3. Career Change in Action: Three Real-World Mindsets

These triple threats show up in real ways for people navigating career transitions. Here are three examples from my coaching practice:

A successful executive told me, “I’m miserable, but I can’t leave my job because I don’t know who I would be if I’m not an executive (self). My husband thinks it’s too risky (relationships). And I don’t want to explain this to my network—I’d look like a failure (community).”

→ She wasn't stuck because of logistics. She was stuck in fear.

Another recent client said, “Just tell me what job I should take.” She’d taken a career break and was spinning because the triple threats fully consumed her. “I’m not sure who I am professionally anymore (self). Everyone in my friend group is so successful. I’m not at their level, and they’ll judge me (relationships). Taking a starter job will make me look stupid (community).”

→ She was looking for certainty, but what she needed was clarity.

One of my executive clients has a high-potential employee, but she constantly slows progress with an endless array of questions. The employee is stuck in analysis paralysis: “How will I look if I make the wrong recommendation (self)? What if my manager thinks I don’t know our business (relationships)? What if I lose credibility with my team and leadership (community)?”

→ Her overthinking was a mask for fear of visibility and accountability.

In each case, the individual knew change was needed—but the triple threats blocked action. Not knowing what’s next is uncomfortable. But staying stuck is often worse.

4. Getting Unstuck: The Power of Honest Questions

The good news is that you don’t have to be fearless to face a transition. You just have to be honest. It’s helpful to take some time to reflect on these simple questions thoroughly:

• How will embracing this change help me grow?

• Which fears are grounded in fact, and which are just imagined worries?

• Am I willing to let fear define who I become?

Remembering to Give Ourselves Grace

Change is rarely easy, and feeling resistance, doubt, or even fear is natural. But these emotions don’t mean you’re failing; they mean you’re human. The key is not to eliminate fear but to move forward with honesty and self-compassion.

Transitions can take time, and growth likely won’t all at once. So, instead of demanding certainty or perfection, give yourself the grace to take the next right step—even if it’s small. That’s how change begins to feel less like a threat and more like a chance.

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Hillary Hufford-Tucker helps growth-minded professionals go from overlooked to relevant. As a certified career transitions coach and digital strategist, she guides clients through change—whether shifting industries, landing a promotion, launching a side gig, or growing their influence. Her services include personal branding, resume writing, LinkedIn strategy, and the Relevated Brands’ Career Guides. Ready to get “relevated?” Start your journey at www.berelevated.com.